Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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