I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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