did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
