last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
