Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize