Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
