Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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