I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
