Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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