We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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