as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
