So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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