Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
