I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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