would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
