can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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