counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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