um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
