I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
