This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
