i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
