I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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