my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize