my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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