You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
