Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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