I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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