Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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