wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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