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4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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