Need sex. Gaining weight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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