Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize