im about as happy as oj after his trial
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
