highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
time to smoke my breakfast
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
