I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
