I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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