My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Holy sore nipples Batman
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
