mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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