I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
