So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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