Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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