it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize