I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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