i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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