Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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