Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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