Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
