Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
