Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
