winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize