i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
