u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
