I'm going to jail i love you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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