so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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