I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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