I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
