apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
