When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
