Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
