you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
