That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
