you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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