I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
