u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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