i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
