the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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