he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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