I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
