the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
