we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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